The beast.

So, I've been doing a pretty decent job at hiding what would be the product 

following 3 large pregnancies, 3-csections, and 7 years of weight fluctuations. 

I have always been athletic and tall, but what other see primarily from my height are my legs. 

Not my torso.
I have a short short short torso for being 5'9".

I carry large babies. 

My torso however, isn't long at all. If you swapped my husband's legs and my own... 

he'd probably reach 6 feet, and I'd be a solid 5ft in height. 

(Eric has a long torso)

Anyways. My starting weight when I was in HS was 165.

(before kids)

(emma)

(kaelyn)

(Jensen)

 I reached 235 with Emma and lowered to 188 when I got pregnant with Kaelyn. 

With her I hit 210 on delivery. Again at 188 I got pregnant with Jensen and hit a whopping 225. Today I am 173/174 and keeping my fingers crossed to hit the 160's in the next 8 weeks (even though I took a break this week with a tweak in my neck from picking up the baby wrong. 

(go figure.)

I wanted to finally share with you what I have been
busting my ass off to hide. 

I show my best selfies, nothing wrong with that. 

However, many haven't seen what I've been referring to as the 'beast' for awhile.

Relaxed, Flexed, Sucking in.

(today)

(no matter what I currently do, the flap is there.  I also wanted to show the difference.)

Then over head views. 

(excuse me knickers. *best pirate voice*  ;) )

I have a crater in my abdominals and skin I can pull out even further than this but have to hold the phone to shoot this by myself. 

My back has been weakened from lack of support in my abdominals, and the skin can get irritated when it's hot out (yuck)I'm lucky I'm IN my high school clothes even with the pooch. I'm really curious to see where I'll be after it's removed and the swell hell is gone.

This lump of skin and left over fat that is stubborn as hell to lose has mocked me for 7 years.

Reminded me that I could work a little harder, push a little further.

I have held myself back from doing activities because of wanting to hide it.
It's been so embarrassing. I'm nervous going to this extent to share it because
 this is the furthest I've gone to really show what it does look like.
I don't like to play outside because this gets so warm and still to this day jumps
 and flaps when I run or move around.
Compression pants from Oldnavy, thanks for helping!

Again, this is my journey and struggle and something I'm finally over coming. 

I have more to share about my past later, including the fact after my first delivery I had an eating disorder (not eating hardly at all) and intense self esteem issues that led into depression. 

Thankfully today I am NOT that girl anymore.

I am stronger, wiser, healthy, and happier.

I am healing. <3

In 52 days I can say good bye for good to this thing. 

I am thankful it housed my babies and protected them.

The stretch marks hardly bother me anymore. 

Scars tell stories right?

But I am excited to start fresh and not have aches and skin issues from it any more. 

(my bitty loves <3)

I feel like with this surgery I am getting a clean slate though for me:
to be the best version of myself and regain my confidence back.
On top of it, perform in all areas without having to adjust myself around it any more.
I can be who I want and not have to think twice.

(and my kids will stop asking if I'm having another baby, LOL)

Thanks for listening. This was a difficult post. 

XOXO